5 psychological attitudes that poison your life

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“I’m a loser”. “If I fail, it will be a complete failure.” “It will not work for me, because I always have it.” “They probably think that I am worthless.” “I have to do everything right, everything will go to hell.” These and similar thoughts probably circled in the head of every person. But rarely did anyone think about the fact that it is often they who are the cause of our failures, and not at all what allegedly caused them. But where do such gloomy thoughts come from in your bright head? In most cases, it is a matter of psychological attitudes — kind of mini-programs in your brain that work in the background and take control of your behavior, thoughts, and psycho-emotional state over and over again.

At the end of the last century, two psychologists, Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis, brought out several such installations that program the maladaptive function in a person, turning him into a rag and a fitter, and we will tell you about them. We will also give some tips on how to reboot your “system” and clean it of garbage.

1. Installation on a disaster

For some reason, you are sure that something unpleasant must happen to you. So unpleasant that you can’t handle it. Or that because of this, your life will go somewhere wrong. And everything that you have been doing for many years will turn into ashes. Of course, no one is immune from various unpleasant situations. But there is a way how not to sweat about it. Remove the words “nightmare” or “catastrophe” from your vocabulary. Stop dramatizing. Look at the future from positions that are closer to reality. No one bothers you to prepare for the most unfavorable outcomes. It is even better if you have in your head, if not completely finished, but some kind of action plan. The main thing is less exaggerate.

2. Setting Predict

All people somehow think about their future. And often they make forecasts. As a rule, mostly negative. With this installation, you unconsciously and at the same time consciously program yourself to fail. Something similar to the first, but there is a difference. It lies in the fact that in the previous case, failure can be a consequence of external factors, here – only your actions. Plus, you can get rid of this installation as follows: think over all the factors that may affect the course of further actions, as well as how you can influence them. And stop yourself to underestimate.

3. Setting the synthesis

Many tend to draw conclusions, often biased, based on one episode of their lives. Surely there was a moment when you couldn’t do something the first time, and you immediately quietly lowered your hands. You tried again, again and again. Of these three attempts, two were failures, and one was more or less tolerable. Based on these episodes, you make one universal conclusion: I always fail. But one time something happened, but you chose to forget about it successfully. If nothing is done with this installation, then you are close to the previous one. So listen: try to pay attention to each case individually. And then white spots will appear in your black stripe. And do not forget to scroll through your fiasco in your head, promising yourself to definitely try again.

4. Installation on perfectionism

Of course, trying to do everything according to the highest standard is good and commendable. And try to jump above your own head – too. But not to deliberately push yourself (and at the same time others) into this framework. After all, as is well known, frames hold down the movement. Installation on perfectionism is instilled in us from early childhood: “You have to study for one five” or “You must earn a gold medal”. And all in the same vein. In children, this setting is also called excellent student syndrome. But think that sometime the moment will come when you will not be able to do your work for all 100. Because of this, you will not be able to save another N-th number of nerve cells, and there are so few of them. Therefore, try to get rid of it as follows: set yourself, so to speak, the lower threshold of doing your job well and push it off, gradually improving the skill, but do not bring it to one hundred percent result. And even on the neck can sit down, demanding to repeat, when you no longer can.

5. Setting to read thoughts

Each of us, probably, at least once thought that he would have liked to be able to read the thoughts of other people. Then I thought about it again and refused this ability. But the installation in my head remained. Setting on it to think for others and draw conclusions, as a rule, about yourself. It is worthwhile for someone to look askance at you, as you immediately begin to look for something wrong in yourself, but in fact this view may mean nothing at all. Therefore, first, stop “reading” other people’s thoughts. It is harmful. And secondly, do not hesitate to ask questions. If you do not understand something in a conversation with a person, please clarify, but not think out yourself. And get rid of this bad habit.

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